


The experience of loss

by SmokeyFay



Series: Seirin Week 2015 [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Guilt, How Do I Tag, I Tried, Men Crying, Sad, aomine being a jerk, gen - Freeform, kise is a sunshine, there is kikuro is you squint a little, tsuchi senpai is the logical one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 14:22:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4352279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmokeyFay/pseuds/SmokeyFay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Loss is always unpleasant, Seirin learned this the hard way"</p>
<p>written for Seirin week 2015 on <a href="http://this-tastes-like-purple.tumblr.com/post/124210552372/the-expirience-of-loss-seirin-week-day-3=">tumblr</a><br/>Day 3: Victory/Loss</p>
            </blockquote>





	The experience of loss

**Author's Note:**

> not betaed!!! i'm warning you
> 
> this is sad if you are weak for seirin dont read it >

It was heartbreaking, after all the hard work. Kuroko felt completely and utterly defeated.

“Kuroko… I..” Kuroko just passed by Kagami like he hadn’t even seen him.

Hyuuga could only watch how the cyan haired boy just stood in the centre of the court, looking but not actually seeing.

“Hyuuga…” Izuki snapped Hyuuga of his trace by placing his hand on the former’s shoulder. “Right” Hyuuga walked up to Kuroko, “Let’s go, we have to shake hands. Heads up” he said and hit Kuroko on the head. This was the last drop of authority he had.

“You couldn’t possible believe you had a chance against me Tetsu?” Aomine snickered, “Your basketball is weak.” Kuroko looking terrified, his eyes widen. It was the first time Kagami had seen him like this. “You…” Kagami started, his temper getting the best of him only to be cut by a weak pull on his jersey. “Kagami-kun please” Kuroko whispered and Kagami didn’t utter another word.

Back in the locker room everyone blamed themselves. “I don’t deserve to be called an ace” Kagami sounded angry hitting his fist on his locker. “I was totally useless against Aomine.” Riko just looked at him sadly, she didn’t know what to say, she felt like every word and every try of consoling him would only make the red head more furious.

Tsuchida guided the rest of first years outside. “It’s better to leave them alone for now. We all feel grief but we can’t fully understand the way they feel right now” he explained, and the three boys nodded leaving quietly the room. Fukuda gave one last glance behind at the rest of the team. At times like this he felt so useless. “I know how you feel but there was nothing we could have done” Furihata patted his shoulder smiling sweetly, but tears were running down his face. Kawahara talked without turning to face them “Furi is right. Don’t blame it on yourself. Defeat is indeed unpleasant. We can only work harder from now on.” he sounded so calm but his punch in the wall said the exact opposite.

Mitobe was sitting silently in the bench, not that he wasn’t always silent but right now he felt silent even to Koganei. It was like a black aura was emitting from him. Koganei tried to approach him but Mitobe seemed so far gone. “Mitobe….” Koganei started and the look in Mitobe’s eyes could speak wonders, all the words of self blameness.” _I could be better, If only I was better”_ , those words were so loud in Koganei’s ears “It’s not your fault” he tried to reason only to be shut by Mitobe’s “ _Of course it is, I was totally useless out there I couldn’t keep up with half their players”_ and Koganei felt like he had to leave him alone, every word right now felt on deaf ears. Tsuchida was right, they should leave them alone. Koganei should have know, Mitobe, Tsuchida and him had been in this place again before, after their disastrous match against Shutoku High. He knew exactly how it felt, trying your best and still not being enough, being humiliated beyond belief and defeated like you didn’t stand a chance since the beginning, how all you wanted to do was being alone and mourn over it. So he followed Tsuchida and the others outside.

Izuki had stayed still all this time, head on his locker muttering incoherent words that sounded like _“I’m sorry I can’t be more useful”_ under his breath. His mind occupied with thoughts of _“If I was better”, “It’s because I lack in skill as a point guard that we are here,”_ Thoughts of _“If I hadn’t the ball stolen from me so many times, if I had better control” and “If I could only learn faster and be of the same caliber as the rest of them, I’m only bringing them down”_ run through his head, blaming everything on himself. His mind couldn’t even register what was happening in the room lost in his own self pity.

Hyuuga was still as a statue in the middle of the room. It was Shutoku all over again and it was something he wished he wouldn’t feel again, only now it was worse. He had worked so hard on his three pointers only to be proved of no effect; he almost questioned why he practiced so hard if he was so easily defeated.

He woke from his trance only to see his teammates totally broken. His brain was running in miles, he didn’t want him teammates like this, didn’t want to ever see them crying. The hollowness in their eyes made him feel terrified. “Why am I even captain If I can’t encourage them” he whispered to himself, feeling so small, “This is my fault, if I was a better shooter, a better captain my teammates wouldn’t cry right now.” His own words felt like a knife, “Why can’t I speak” he muttered, _“I have to speak, I’m the captain” his thoughts were confused and desperate “Speak god damn it”_ he yelled in his head but Kagami beat him to it.

“We lost, but right now we can’t do anything about it. We might as well go eat and train harder” such wise words coming from Kagami brought everyone back from their own worlds of self pettiness and regrets, and Hyuuga couldn’t be happier at that time. It was cowardish and he knew it but he was glad someone else spoke for him. “Kagami is right, let’s go for today” he managed to say.

Kuroko was still sat on the beanch, and Kaganu turned to his direction, “Kuroko…” he started but was stopped by Riko’s hand on his shoulder and a look atha said “ _leave him be for the time, we will wait for him outside”_ and Kagami followed her out of the door.

Existing Hyuuga saw Kise sitting on the ground, back leaning on the wall near the door but he didn’t give any indication he perceived his presence and just kept walking, same as the rest of them until Riko came out last and looked at him. “he is till inside…. But… I don’t think this is the right time to talk to him” she said, careful with her words. But Kise didn’t answer.

When everyone left he walked into the locker room. Kuroko didn’t seem to register Kise walking in, even when Kise sat next to him. “I’m sorry Kurokochi” he said so low that I was hard even for Kuroko to hear him but of course he did. “I know-“ Kise was cute by an almost furious Kuroko, “No you don’t Kise-kun. You don’t know” he said anger evident in his voice, “I lost from you too” Kise tried to reason but it only made Kuroko angrier “It’s not the same” he said, “That was just a practice match” he paused to take a breath and try to calm himself but with no success “This… this one… I was completely defeated and humiliated… We were useless, any effort went in vain. You can’t possible understand this” Kuroko almost yelled and it was the first time Kise saw him in such state. Angry tears rolled down Kurko’s cheeks as he grabbed a fistful of Kise’s tee shirt, “It hurts Kise-kun. It hurts so much” muttered and Kise caressed his hair, pushing his bangs back from his forehead, “Don’t worry Kurokochi. You can do it next time. You can train hard and prove Aominechi wrong. For now I will defeat him for both of us, so please don’t cry Kurokochi” Kise’s voice was soft and soothing, it was the softest Kuroko had ever heard it.

_Don’t cry Kurokochi because you make me sad too._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry Kurokochiii.... his tears are my weakness idek how i managed to write this T^T 
> 
> i sleep typed this so i bet there are like a milion typos that i will edit later in the morning because now it's 5am T^T


End file.
